aussie style

Why is the brand Zoo York popular in australia? Somebody send me some zoo mass shirts and ill make millions

Halloween

So contrary to what i though when i arrived here, Australians - although not with the same enthusiasm and joy as Americans -  do celebrate Halloween. It's probably too late to make this costume happen for 2010, but it is, without a doubt, the single greatest costume idea i've ever heard, and thus i hereby copyright it for Halloween 2011. This isn't some JV wear-a-cereal-box-on-your-head-and-say-you're-a-serial-killer costume. This is real.

Next halloween i'm going as one-time Jurassic Park game warden extraordinaire Robert Muldoon. The short shorts, the tan shirt, the tan-er vest, the high socks, the cowboy hat tipped up to one side and the Franchi SPAS-12 combat shotgun; it's unmistakable. And not only is Muldoon's look unreal, his lines in the movie are nothing short of legendary. Running around campus in my Muldoon costume screaming "shooot haaah!.... turning to chicks and saying "clever girl"... you can't beat that. 

Game; blouses. 

fear factor

I was in the lunchroom at work today and saw a jar of vegemite on the shelf with a bunch of other condiments. Vegemite - a yeast byproduct of the brewing process - is a uniquely Australian delicacy. It's even mentioned in thay song land down under by men at work. As a side note, before I got here last week my entire working knowledge of Australia came from thay song and the crocodile dundee movies.... And of course the opening scene of dumb and dumber. So I decide to try a tiny spoonfull of this stuff. My food spider sense was tingling, so I knew it could be trouble but I did it anyway. When I tell you this was easily top 3 most repulsive things I've ever tasted I'm not exhaggerating. Just absolutely rancid. And people here act like you could put vegemite on an old shoe and it would taste pretty good. I've heard public service announcements on the radio reminding listeners to eat their vegemite. There's no question the whole thing is a conspiracy. But there is a bright side, this stuff is liquid gold for pledge term, so ill probably bring back a few jars.

wet bandits

I met a couple australian dudes when i was out the other night. We did some bar hopping and had a good time, but one thing really surprised me. They were KILLIN it with american movie references. Lines like, "allow myself to introduce......myself" from Austin Powers and my favorite, a hilarious reference to the wet bandits, which is what the burglars called themselves in the first Home Alone movie. One of the guys i was with was named marv, which is also the name of one of the 'wet bandits' in the movie.


"Were looking for a kid in a Yale Shirt" - Dartmouth's Finest

I met some guy during the night who was having some trouble impressing girls. I immediately gave him my Yale cutoff shirt and encouraged him to tell every girl he could find that not only does he go to Yale, but that he also knows the goalie for the Yale soccer team - which is division 1. I told him to pronounce Yale with a capital Y each time but i think he botched that part cause i'd say he only left with about half the girls he talked to.

Took a spin class tonight at the big fitness club in Cronulla, which is also where all the pro rugby players who play for the sharks - the local franchise - work out. You could imagine my elation when they turned off the lights and i realized i was in the middle of a blacklight spin class. They didnt even blitz out and the place was packed. Had there been a slip and slide out back i probably would have given floor bids to the entire management staff. Good day to be a Herotian here in Cronulla, NSW.

it's ok im a limo driver

Someone overserved me last night at the local bar. The place empties out by ten as everyone flocks en masse to 'fusion,' a decent nightclub that plays tons of forgettable american music. Before i went out i took credit cards, dmouth id and other stuff i didnt want to lose out of my wallet, but in doing so accidentally took out my drivers license too. This was a problem, as they check everyones id at the door. A girl walking next to me told me to tell the bouncer i'm on the sydney kings basketball team. I was receptive. As i walked up to the bouncer i fished out my new york state boaters license, flashed it quickly, and told him i was on the sydney kings. Gold jerry, gold. It worked and i got to cut the entire line, which was long and didnt appear to be moving too quickly. I went back there again tonight, with my id this time. The same bouncer was at the door, and i figured there was no way he'd remember me right? Wrong? "Hey you're the kings player right?" Long pause. "Not anymore man, they released me today, gotta go drown my sorrows..... well, see ya later."

cinderella story

One of the process engineers at the plant gave me an assignment to do on excel. Had absolutely no idea how to do it, he couldn't even make it work so I didn't have a white man's chance in harlem. So in 2 hours I literally got nowhere, then I blacked out, and when i came to it was done and they were carrying me out of the control room like rudy. Confetti everywhere, people doing flips into the drinking water tank; place just went nuts. Engineer gave me a pound. It was a good day. Cinderella story. There's a company outing tomorrow evening to play some bizarre australian bowling/golf like game. I hope my frolf skills are transferrable. Time to shine

disappointment down unda

Australian supermarkets are disappointing. I was expecting great things, like shark bites the size of car batteries and meter-long twizzlers. No dice. Instead you find aisles stocked with unfamiliar and unappealingly named foodstuffs. There is no ketchup, just 'tomato paste' that comes in flat cardboard boxes. As someone whose favorite vegetable is ketchup, this was a tough one to take. But nothing could have prepared me for the cereal aisle, just an absolute wasteland. Nutrabits, vegawafers, rice bubbles... Any kids from the US under ten would burst into tears the second they turned the corner into the australian cereal aisle. Even I was choked up. These cereals made kashi go-lean look like lucky charms. Just devastating.