Fugitive

I wanted to save some time on saturday so i decided to drive the kilometer into town to get lunch. I parked at a little municipal lot between a row of stores and the beach. I didn't see any signs that said no parking, didn't see any meters, and the lot was pretty full so i didn't see any reason why i couldn't park there, so i did. It wasn't until sunday that i and found the parking ticket under my wiper, and after reading this effing thing for five minutes i realized that it wasn't where i parked but how i parked.

In the infraction field the ticket read "Not park rear to kerb." It took several hours of deductive reasoning but I finally figured out that I had gotten a ticket because I had not backed into the parking spot. It wasn't like i had parked facing the wrong direction on the side of the road; all the spots in this lot were perpendicular to the center alley. But I still wasn't convinced that such a stupid and pointless rule could actually exist in the public domain. If it were a fifteen dollar ticket i probably would have stuffed my pride into my single boardshort pocket and retreated, but i decided the 86 dollar fine merited a two minute local walk to the police station.

There a middle aged woman with glasses came up to the counter and asked what I needed help with. She calmly explained that 'not park rear to kerb' in fact meant that I hadn't parked with the back of the car towards the curb. "That's not how you spell curb...Oh, you must mean curb like c-u-r-b because kerb k-e-r-b isnt a word."
"That's how we spell it."
"Right. Any other phonetic spellings i should know about? Like road spelled with an e?"
"Not that i can think of" Course not.
She couldnt tell me why it matters which way a parked car is facing in a spot, but she did confirm that 86  dollars was not a misprint. "No honey, the decimal is in the right place." Right. I hope you go to America some day and drive up a 'juan weigh' road straight into a fung wah bus.
anyway theres zero chance i'm paying this, so i'll be an international fugitive once i leave.

You parked rear to kerb? you sick bastard, youre gonna fry